I eat almost the exact same thing every single day of the year

Since my first post was quite a long introduction to myself and the project that I am beginning on this blog, I plan to post a shorter piece today.

First, if you don't know much about eating disorders, there are certain aspects about them that make them similar to alcoholism or drug addictions.  They are primarily a mental illness, but they manifest in ways that affect the physical body.  People who have a substance addiction, and people who have eating disorders can be triggered by things they see, hear, taste, smell, touch, think about, remember, etc.  When a person is triggered, they have a strong desire to engage in their addiction.  For me, it actually causes physical feelings and sensations in my body.

While I cannot predict what will trigger other people with eating disorders, I will follow the guidelines used in group therapy sessions for people with eating disorders.  To the best of my ability, I will not do the following things on my blog:
1. Use numbers when talking about my weight currently or in the past
2. Use specific calorie amounts when I talk about food--mine or other people's
3. Use words that rank the severity of my eating disorder or the eating disorder of other people

That being said, you still need to have a vague picture of what a typical week of food looks like for me, so that you can understand the challenge and risk that I intend to undertake.

The following list is what my entire diet consists of: (See a future post for musings on the word diet).
flatbread, English muffins, yogurt, green beans, cheese, frozen meals, tuna, chicken lunch meat, vegan burgers, applesauce, oatmeal

Except for the applesauce, all of my food come pre-packaged, with a specific calorie amount clearly labeled on the package.  This is to allow myself to ensure that I get the calorie amount that I say that I am getting.  I also rarely, if ever, eat food that other people have prepared.

So, my husband has never made a meal for me.  We've been married ten years as of last month.  While this may sound very nice to some people who don't like to cook, I know that he would love the opportunity to make me a meal because it would mean that I trust him to make food for me.  (See a future post for musings about trust.)

While providing some benefits to my health and well-being, my diet also allows me to stay in a rut, to continue my addiction/habit, to not try new things, to let my anxiety get the best of me.  I have anxiety just thinking about making a change to my diet.

When I get coupons for Subway, I really want to use them and eat a sub sandwich.  But the mental energy that I expend deciding how I will change my meal plan, thinking about how I will feel, feeling sad about the food that I won't eat because I'm eating the sub instead, thinking about if I really like Subway...it gets to be overwhelming.

So, for the time being, I eat almost the exact same thing every single day of the year, and it's a very limited list of foods.

I'm tired of my diet.  I miss other foods.

This is not the only reason for taking on this project, my challenge to cook a new meal every week from More-with-Less, but it is part of the impetus.

Here's to fresh fruit, beans, salad, grilled chicken, ice cream, rice, crackers, chili, soup...